Dear Judas:

Today is Spy Wednesday, the last ordinary day in history—the last day before the three days that all creation had thirsted for.


Today, your choices set in motion the events that God, in the beginning, had known would come, and how much they would cost.

Today is the day you betrayed Jesus. You went to His enemies, freely and without solicitation, and offered to hand over the friend you’d been living and working with for three years.

It’s for this, Judas, that you’re famed—maybe more so than any other in Jesus’ circle. Your whole life and personality have been compressed to a single choice, your name made a byword for the cruelest kind of traitor.

You must have loved Jesus before this. Admired Him. Felt a spark of hope when you heard Him speak about the coming kingdom. Felt your heart surge with anticipation of finally, finally, being someone.

We sing out, “The Lord is my light and my salvation.”

Maybe you had grown impatient with waiting for Jesus to change things. To do something. Maybe, having witnessed His physics-bending miracles for others, you thought you could compel Him into action to satisfy your own desires. Maybe you were disillusioned. Jealous. Whatever it was, today you thought thirty pieces of silver was worth His life.

Your sin was catastrophic, it’s true. Tomorrow, you will know this more severely than you have ever known anything. The rush of control you first felt as you clutched your bag of silver will erupt into a reckless blaze of shame, regret, and guilt. You will frantically try to buy back your sin, try to blot out the offense.

You’re right to despise your sin. We must reject sin. Grieve what sin tears asunder. Sin empties us of our true identities, extinguishes the flame of grace, and leaves only ghosts and darkness. You felt sin crush you with the weight of a temple wall collapsing.

But the trap wasn’t your sin, Judas. The trap was trying to forgive it yourself.

Only God is mercy so endless He fills what sin empties out. Only God is light so brilliant He shatters darkness. Only God is love so alive He turns dust into life.

And it is more certain than the sunrise: Jesus loved you. In that mysterious duet of free will and divine providence, He knew what you would do while knowing that you didn’t have to, that you could choose grace instead, and He prayed that you would. He wasn’t a fool to choose a future traitor as a disciple; He was a savior choosing to save his beloved whatever it might cost.

From the beginning, He knew that this day would cost you. That was too great a cost for Him, so He gave Himself in your place. You thought His life was worth thirty pieces of silver. He thought you were worth His life. He hung on the cross to save you from the despair that berated you to hang yourself from a tree.

As you looked for a chance to betray Him, He looked for the chance to call you back. As you offered to hand Him over, He handed Himself over to save you. He knew the black depth of your sin and loved you more than enough to fill the chasm endlessly, over and over.

Judas, you had what we can only imagine: daily life with Jesus, the chance to ask Him questions over a meal, the closeness of two brothers walking long, dusty roads on a shared mission. You knew His favorite wine, the sound of His laughter, the weight of His handshake—but what if you had known who He really was?

What if today you had believed His love?

What if tomorrow you had asked for the mercy ready to restore you?

What if each of us did?

Aimee MacIver is a visual artist member of The Vigil Project, a high school teacher, and an author with Ascension Press: aimeemaciver.com

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4 COMMENTS

  1. This is so powerful. Thank you for sharing this perspective. I’ve actually always felt so sad for Judas and Pilate, now known for eternity for either cowardice or greed or betrayal. I forget that Jesus’ death on the cross was also to redeem them.

  2. What a wonderful mind to present Judas’ betrayal of Jesus in these terms and in this fashion, you brought the actions of Jesus and Judas into a present tense in my heart and in my mind. Well done!

  3. Jesus new wat judus was going to do for 30 peases of silver this was part of ar teaching every thing Jesus told us had to come true like when Jesus told Peter when the cock crows 3 times you will deny me if this was not so we would have no beleaf but he told us the truth he his the son of god

  4. Wonderful perspective. Very well written and thought provoking reflection. Very applicable to our daily lives and what we see around us in the world. Everyone is given free will unlike animals who are born without it. This is a prime example in a biblical stance of us needing to pick up our cross and walk with Jesus at all costs. How much do we truly understand Easter and the surrounding holidays? This piece should help shine some light on the reality of that very question. So much sacrifice and this is also proof that Jesus does love unconditionally. Up until his last breath he loved this world and paid the ultimate price for our salvation. Thank you Jesus, YOUR death OUR ransom!

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