“Bully” : A movie review by Fr. Barron – http://www.wordonfire.org
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“Bully” : A movie review by Fr. Barron
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I was teased a bit in grade school and junior high, and looking back, although I can say it was nowhere near the suffering inflicted on other classmates, it *felt* horrific at the time. Most kids do not have the sense of self to be able to brush off the insults and taunts: they internalize everything. Further, teachers and administrators are indeed oblivious to it all, not just because it’s done under the radar but because we tend to see innocence in youth … innocence that really isn’t there.
In worse situations, teachers may add fuel to the fire by giving these kids a hard time in class in front of others students. In these situations, the kid truly has nowhere to turn.
Though this can happen to any kid for any reason (they wear glasses, they’re too heavy, they look funny, whatever), this situation is more pronounced in situations with youth who identify as gay or lesbian. When you’re called all sorts of unprintable names by other students and then have teachers and even parents confirming your own sense of worthlessness by reinforcing the stereotypes of gays in class and at home, it’s understandable that some youths see no other escape out of the situation but death, as drastic as that may be.
But what about the girls who have become bullies? Would the advice be the same? Some type of initiation? I wholeheartedly agree with your assessment and that boys need a strong male mentor to help them learn that loving and caring for those who are weaker is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength.
And I am blessed that my child gets to go to Catholic school and the behaviors taught there are to love and care for those who are not as strong. But for those who have girls who have become bullies – what do you tell them?
Thanks and God Bless you for all your work
As a girl who has been bullied, I became a bully for the sake of making myself a shield because there was no one who I could confide in. Those who I tried to confide in didn’t see beyond the surface, until God initiated a friendship with someone who suffered, who was a pagan, amazingly enough. I didn’t get to go to Catholic school when I was young (not until high school). But from friends who went to Catholic schools their whole lives, bullying is everywhere. It’s just that private/Catholic schools tend to have more stable/consistent disciplinary measures and routes to take rather than just writing off the problem as the child themselves, but something deeper. THAT I can say is true from experience.
If you want to know what to say to girls who are bullies, you can start with asking them, compassionately, why. Most of them will not bother to share anything because they haven’t seen stable support from their elders, but it’d be a start. Always pray. But if you want to have nothing to do about them but complain, don’t bother wasting their time.
As for anyone else who may read this, let’s not get into the cockamamie that Catholics are the bigger bullies. We’re not. We have Someone who we answer to (even if others don’t see it) – but we, the individuals, are fallible human beings who “do not know” what we do. We don’t comprehend lasting effects of what we do – we’re children. We were children since the moment we were conceived, we will be children beyond the moment we die. We’re all wanting to “fit in” somewhere, and we’re all trying to find our special place with God, ourselves, our family, and our peers. Mess-ups are bound to happen, because that is something natural we all face. It’s not excusable, but it’s natural nonetheless. Maturity comes in God’s time, not our personal expectations of each other, because everyone learns at a different pace and through different means. Every cross has a unique story carved into its two beams, even though they all go to the same Place.
Parents also might make excuses for their children on the surface when they are confronted, while holding the child accountable after addressing the situation with their children themselves.
If there are lingering effects of bullying into a person’s adulthood, it’s because they haven’t made up their mind to work to change their own attitude.
“Those who cause the greater suffering are those who are suffering the most.”
Pamela, the worst bullying I ever experienced was in a Catholic School. They have become refuges for those not wanting their children to mix with the hoi polli. I still don’t see much “love and care” to those who are not among the in crowd.
Being bullied can last a lifetime; I’m 54 years old and still the effects of it hinder my life — I will forever be shy, not able to speak in a group of people (unless I know them really well), still think I can’t do anything well, still don’t like my looks, etc. As for Catholic schools, when my sons were young (they did not attend Catholic school), one of them was bullied by a Catholic school kid; another boy who went to the same school as the bully was bullied by lots of other kids because he was a little slow, a little different. One of my other sons was even picked on by other homeschoolers (one of the other mothers just said of her son, “Well, he’s only 5.” No, THAT’S when you teach your kid not to do it instead of excusing him.
Also the movie trilogy Karate Kid – strong male role model mentor. This culture is desperately in need of real mean, self-sacrificing, service oriented , not self-indulging, men.